Random Thinks

i feel as if right now, i'm in this moment of life where i can only depend on myself. where there are many responsibilities on my shoulders, and sometimes i need days like this where there is nothing to do. i personally value those days where you're in your room home alone having personal time. i find it that during these times my mind becomes the most productive and organized .. that i can finally settle the commotion that my life's been revolving around. i feel as if right now in high school, i must grab every opportunity to enjoy, laugh, build a relationship with these girls .. the ones who will get me through life through support, girls night outs, boy hunts, and those heartbreaks. i feel as if my church-filled sundays are the sanity of my week because that day is when i let go, when i realize that "there is nothing God and I cannot handle together". but sometimes.. i feel as if i put too much weight on myself, too much worry. i strive to succeed for the best, and honestly nothing less. i'm that overachiever on the inside, but i maintain my cool on the outside. i find myself trying to please everyone at the same time; though some people say that it is impossible, i find the consequence pleasing. it's not like i'm bullshitting my realtionships and being a fake hoe. it's who i am. i think it's because i'm an only child. happiness is how i roll and i don't do well being sad. and with relationships, i think i just need time to find myself. to build patience, to seek the Lord, to remember my morals, to remember that

"A women should be so lost in God that a man would have to seek Him to find her"

i think time is all i need. and in the past, i pressed myself for time. always wanting this immediate gratification to fake this happiness that deep down i was not satisfied with in the long run. i need to find myself. i need to trust God and myself. i need to mature. i need to grow .. LITERALLY -_-. haha. but most importantly, i need to keep my faith, my optimism. i need to remember that God is watching over me. if God is with me, who is against me?