a morose ramble.

today started out to be okay, i was all jesus-upped at school and "vote for bernie", yaknow yaknow. but ugh, something just got over me again.. it irritates me that my emotions are running over me once again.. and it hasn't even been a week after the retreat. i wish i really still was in the mountains.. taking a break from just everything and just focusing on God. cause that's all that's really gonna matter in the end. but no, i've got this damned mind that pushes curiousty too far into things that i really.. don't need to know; don't want to know. and that is when i'm pushed with fear and doubt ONCE a f*ckinggain (that doesn't count as swearing ! lol) that i can't even trust myself because of my keen observation. my sensability is too knowing.. it's like i know too much and surprises come little to me. sure, it may seem like being observant can be a good thing.. but in this sense it's quite the contrary.

and you know what's funny? how during school i seemed to be coming over my minor sore throat. but as this feeling of apprehension rises within me, my sore throat seems to be developing and all i can do is sigh and just say...

God, if i could ask for some things right now it would be:
-patience because right now i've got this load on my shoulder, family already ruining my plans to be virtuous and patient, schoolwork and projects each day... that reality is striking me too soon
-understanding because my mind isn't the same as the other's mind. i need understanding to think things through another person's shoes and kinda just let You, God take over sometimes.

i wish i could escape reality.. just one moment longer.