The Subconscious #1: Trust Issues

I have trust issues. Why? Let me explain.
So, starting from the beginning.. I have been iffy, but I developed a little trust because well, I was new in your life and things were fine. A little bit of my envy went over to me in the Philippines, but that was quickly gone. Even the Debut didn't really affect me that much.. I'm quite surprised. And so Sept '08 - March '09.. Don't even wanna mention that. It's over with; and now me & her are okay with each other. Now, May '09 and I'm hit with another trust issue here. Let me explain why:

I know people and during fiesta, I knew what was happening with the egging. I just didn't say anything because welll.. I didn't think it mattered. And everything was fine from then until NOW. TODAY just blew the whole fucking trust. Why? Ever since last week there have been things done that I am not aware of.. and of course when I am informed of what happened, I'm fucking shocked, hurt that I didn't know, and just -_____-.

1) The park and then your house for poker/Lakers when I'M not there? Oh funny.
2) Today, 13 MONTHS I text you and you don't answer.. You tell me you're at the bathroom and that you're at CVS. I go ______ and I find out the minute I arrive:

"Do you know where ______ was today?"
"CVS?"
"Uhhh.. and?"
"What? He went to Nogales?"
"And do you know who he was with?"
"What? Who?"
"_____________"
"Who the heck is that?"
"Lalique's sister"

& later while we're eating...

"Augh.. I'm gonna get killed for telling you this."
"Huh? What are you talking about?"
"Okay.. You know Laker/poker night?"
"Yeah?"
"She was there."
"What when?"
"Like I arrived at 6 and I saw her and I was like Woah. She was with Katrina"

Let go, let God.

I find all this out when it's already past. I feel like a fucking idiot. I feel like someone that is fooled. I am hurt. I'm such an idiot - I was THERE, and I didn't even know what was happening. I cannot stress this: My trust has been developing ever since that promise to myself. I was doing so goood. SO GOOOOD. My trust was shattered, but once that promise was made, I kept to it. What was that promise? To stop my temper, to be patient, to trust, to stop insecurity. BUT, when things like this happen: when I am informed of things and events that are obviously hidden from me, I am po'ed. I am really po'ed. I'm not going to resort to talking to her like I did last time, or anything of that nature in Sept - March; those were poor decisions of mine. But this, I'm just letting go and letting God.