Unaware

Wow, I haven't blogged in a while. But now, I have something to talk about.

I never really realized something too good to be true can actually... be true, until now. It was yesterday where I've experienced an eye-opening event. I've gotten into my first jealousy rage, and as much as I try to avoid the doubts; avoid the hate.. This week it's just been flashing back at me. It's like my conscience is telling ME that I'm not pretty... not able to handle anything that has been thrown at me. Sometimes, I feel so frustrated when my mom tells me that I have to get As in this, act like this towards my boyfriend, who to make friends with... All of that just rises my temper and I hate it. This week, I felt the "most down" I've been in a long time because I knew it was coming again. That fucking feeling in your gut.

Doubt.

Because it was those days where if anyone messed with me... I went ballistic because I plainly wasn't in the mood. Honest to goodness, my temper is horrible. And so yesterday, I got in a fight on how I was just sick of girls. Sick of the drama they cause. Sick of everything.
Yeah, I was pretty moody.
But really, I just want peace. I think it gets to me when people flirt with my boyfriend or have friends that call him cute. But I think this time it really got to me. But in the end, all is resolved. Not necessarily a happy ending, but one that isn't full of hatred... at least I hope.

I've found someone that loves me. Through the thick and thin.
Don't get me wrong.. It's still hard to believe.

Because each day.. He amazes me once again.
And makes me smile.. Once again.