CIVIL WAR

Today is the day I've started a civil war within myself. To go from an attention-seeking girl to an independent, strong woman. I've made the promise to do this so many times.. that I think it's finally right to say that I'm gonna do this. I know that within this change and revolution of myself there will be many battles.. between myself, others, parents, loved ones.. but my determination is only this: success. I know there will be rewarding battles... in which my hope conquers my hears; but on the contrary, I know there will be battles that will overcome me.. and hopefully I have people to depend on to help me during these tough times.

I want to be able to fully trust someone.
I want to be able to lean on someone as they lean on me.
I want to be able to open up my heart to those selected few.
I want.. Real 'mofackin love.

That's why those fucking pictures.. those damn texts. They are my past. I'm done with that shit.. because that is the old me. The one that closed her heart and only thought of one thing: jealousy. How stupid of me.

But to those who have caused me that grief.. all the tears, the shouts, the cuss-outs, my worry lines, my stress acne.. every damn thing that has caused me to think that life isn't worth living... THANK YOU. And why thank you? Because you have all shaped me into this girl who wants to be something more than just the social standard.. more than just the social statistic of an asian girl.. more than just the damn looks.. something that is WORTH IT.. worth a guys time.. worth living.. worth changing the world instead of fucking sitting here. Because I will never ever want to be like you.. One who causes problems, can't control themselves, don't even have a fucking life but just hang out and do nothing. Because I'm better.. God has given me talents and I'm gonna do His will and share them. I'm not gonna be included when people compare things to the "typical teenager" because I'm anything but that phrase.

I'm Bernadette Lim.
I've got dreams that soar.
Expectations for myself that are limitless.
And from now on.. NOTHING will stop me.